Humans don’t mind hardship, in fact they thrive on it; what they mind is not feeling necessary.
-- Sebastian Junger
One of the formative experiences of my early adult life was getting the opportunity to go the US Army's Survival school down in North Carolina. For those who have been (or are familiar), you know what I mean. If you haven't been, it's rough. Not a lot of food, not a lot of sleep, and some pretty challenging scenarios requiring skill, critical thinking, and a lot of grit. It was unequivocally some of the best training I experienced in the Army, in part, due to its realism.
I was in way over my head when I went. I was only 20 years old, in between my Sophomore and Junior years at West Point. My buddy, Ryan, and I tried out in January or February to compete for one of the 12 slots West Point was allocated for that school later that summer. We did the try out together (which may be a lesson in and of itself) and both got selected. Before we went, we were encouraged to read a book written by Nick Rowe, Five Years to Freedom, chronicling his story of being a POW in Vietnam. His five years in captivity were brutal. He was one of 34 Americans to escape captivity during the Vietnam War. He would take all his lessons and experiences and go on to help start the US Army's SERE (Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escpae) program.
The enduring lesson for me (from both his book and the curriculum at the school) was threefold: first, nothing is as important in a surival scenario as the will to survive; second, having a daily sense of purpose (particularly in taking care of those around you) is indispensable to building that will; third, hunt for the small victories (for me this involved peeing on the floor so one of the instructors I didn't like would step in it...it's a long story, but feel free to ask some time).
If I could distill it into a simple phrase, I'd say, "A man needs a purpose."
Of the clients and friends I've spoken with who are struggling or feeling stuck, most of them are stuck on this particular point...they aren't very clear about their purpose in the world. And with media full of competing and contradictory narratives about "success" and "the good life", it's no wonder!
But even for those of us who aren't overtly "struggling", it's worth paying attention to how you would define your purpose, your reason for existing in this world. Life is hard, complicated, and confusing. Without a clear sense of purpose, a man will drift...simply existing without really living.
Better Men is a community of men pursuing whole life growth and health: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. A key part of that growth is clarity on PURPOSE.
What gives meaning to my daily life? How would I explain why I'm here? What kind of man do I want to become? When I'm looking back over my life from my death bed, what do I want the unifying theme to be?
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I'm personally really excited for how this is shaping up and for the men who have already jumped in and said they're not content to just float along with the status quo. If you've got any questions, feel free to reach out. I'd love to talk.
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